The one-year anniversary of a death can be an occasion to honour the person who lived. It may also give rise to a new surge of grief. As you reflect on what to do on the day, explore both how to pay tribute to your person and honour your own emotions and needs.
Leading up to the first anniversary of my dad’s death, I didn’t know how I was going to feel. I booked the day off work, and I kept thinking about all the things I would never experience with him.
How can I cope with renewed feelings of loss on the first anniversary of a death?
Anniversaries can bring on a new wave of grief. Be gentle with yourself, acknowledge how you’re feeling and get the extra support you need:
- Talk about your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, a trained counsellor or a grief group.
- Spend time with others who lost the same person as you to exchange stories, perspectives and feelings.
- Practice self-care — eat regular, easy-to-prep healthy meals; prioritize rest and sleep; and make time for movement.
- If the person who died was a colleague, neighbour or friend, you may want to let their family or other loved ones know you’re thinking of them.
Read our guide to learn more about the grieving process and find resources to help you navigate your loss.
How should I mark the death of someone special one year later?
An anniversary can be an opportunity to find meaningful expressions for our grief, whether alone or with others. You may also wish to allow this date to pass quietly. There is no right or wrong way. The following suggestions could help you find your way this first year — perhaps starting a tradition for anniversaries to come.
I marked the first anniversary of my dad’s passing with a yahrzeit candle (a memorial candle lit in Jewish tradition to honour the anniversary of a loved one’s death).
A quiet day alone
Choosing alone time is also a chance to release expectations, your own and those of others. Let people know if you’d rather not attend or host group events — no explanations needed. Consider these suggestions:
- Spend time in nature — being outdoors can be soothing. You could take a walk in the woods, go for a swim or visit a park or greenhouse.
- Look at photos and videos to revisit memories.
- Write a letter. Maybe some things were left unsaid or there have been developments this past year you want to share.
- Do something you used to do together, such as playing a game, watching a sports match, or visiting a place of worship, nature trail or art gallery to help you feel connected with your person.
- Make something in their honour — a poem, painting or quilt or a favourite meal or dessert.
- Give to a charity in their name; a donation can be a private or public recognition of their memory. Consider honouring a cause that was relevant or important to them.
My mom had three lifelong best friends. We got together with them — my brother, his three kids, and me and my three kids — to go to visit her grave. Then we had brunch and a toast in her honour.
Remembering the day with others
Community can play an important role in healing grief. You may choose to have different events to mark the occasion, such as a memorial where friends and colleagues are welcome and a more intimate family gathering. Here are some ideas:
- Hold a formal ceremony. In many cultures and religions, the one-year anniversary is a time to say prayers, visit a gravesite, light a candle, make offerings, honour ancestors and exchange stories.
- Create a group activity in support of a charitable initiative.
- Make a symbolic gesture, such as a bench dedication, tree or flower planting, or plaque or headstone unveiling.
- Gather in whatever way best reflects their memory. This could be anything from a somber gathering to a lively celebration — a group meal out, polar dip, candle-lighting ceremony, formal memorial or photo slideshow.
You can find the most suitable way to mark the first anniversary of a death by reflecting on what the person means to you and considering your own needs and values. Keep in mind that your understanding of your loss will evolve every year and so, too, can your ideas about how to honour their memory.
- Learn more about giving in memory to honour the life of someone special.
- Find out how to start a memorial fundraiser in their memory.
About the author
Dominique Ritter
Dominique Ritter is a writer whose work has been published by Toronto Star, CTV, Cottage Life and the Nature Conservancy of Canada. She was previously an editor at Reader’s Digest, the Canadian Encyclopedia, Adbusters and magazines for Investors Group, Fairmont Hotels & Resorts and Air Canada.
